Now that the UK has left the EU and is a free agent without a clue, it’s time for us to take a hard look at making it one of the United States. This is a deal with real synergy that would replace their current lose-lose situation with a sure-fire win-win outcome. Here are ten reasons why this deal needs to go down.
Better gun selection for UK citizens
The powerful gun lobby in the US would support this deal because it means the sales of weapons and ammunition would go way up in a huge hurry. Think of it UKers, no background checks, bigger weapons than you can get now, ammo that you can stockpile for many years worth of turf defending against terrorists. What’s not to like?
Pave the way for a merger of the British Premier League and the NFL
Let’s face it, sports matter more than anything else, except guns and this would create a lot more beer-drinking, crossover sports fans than any other imaginable scenario. Eat your hearts out La Liga. One caveat, Chelsea has to relocate to New York before the start of the 2017 season.
Keep Putin’s paws off the Queen
If you don’t think Vladmir Putin wants the Queen, you don’t understand anything about this conquering man. He wants it all and is probably hatching a plan right now to make at least England part of Russia. If you don’t believe it, just think about this for a moment – the man in the lead for the job as British PM is named Boris.
Keep Game of Thrones production on schedule
First, lets all agree that the word schedule is pronounced with a hard “c” and not shedjule. Once we can agree that our common language is American, the next most important thing is for Game of Thrones to be delivered on time, regardless of the budget. Winter is coming and we have to get this series in the can.
Skip the negotiations and feel the power
If the UK remains independent they are going to have to negotiate from a position of uncertainty with EU members that want to feed them helpings of humble pie. But, if the UK, with the largest army in Europe, joins the United States there is nothing to negotiate. Does France or any other European country want to mess with that?
Forget clearing customs between LHR/JFK & LHR/LAX
Let’s just do away with one of the greatest nuisances on the plant – English and American citizens having to wait in long lines at big, horrible airports. We all want to get to our vacations faster without worrying about things like having to explain the possession of medicinal marijuana to border control agents.
One state instead of four countries
England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland would all join the United States as one united state, because most people in the USA don’t actually know where these places are and it could be embarrassing whenever it came up. If the name State of England were for some reason unacceptable to UK citizens, alternative names for the new state would be Old New York, East California, Texas-2 and Disneyana.
Finally decent Mexican food
Its almost unbelievable that so many people travel to the UK when the food there is so bad. Admittedly, there is terrific curry in the UK, but if you are from Texas and are attending a football game in the UK, you probably won’t want curry as opposed to more familiar options, such as Mexican, Tex-Mex and Taco Bell. When the UK becomes America’s 51st state, Mexican restaurants will start popping up everywhere like Cucarachas.
Jobs, jobs, jobs!
Nothing like this can ever happen without talking about all the jobs that will be created and this adding the State of England to the United States is certainly no different. Drivers training jobs, jobs retrofitting automobiles with dual steering wheels, building walls along Mexican and Irish borders, casino jobs, hotel jobs, a transatlantic oil pipeline from Scotland to Maine and jobs working in unemployment offices. If politicians can imagine it, it can produce thousands of great jobs.
Reduction in the size of Government
State governments in the United States are much smaller than the federal government. MPs in the UK would become State Senators and thousands of other redundant bureaucrats would be eliminated so they could become lobbyists in the US system. There would be no need for the Supreme Court of the United Kingdom, but the United States does have a vacancy currently on it’s Supreme Court that could be filled by a legal champion of law – something that could be decided by a uniquely entertaining transatlantic reality television show.